It was 1973. I had just given birth to my first son. I was just 21 years old. I was having a bit of difficulty after his birth. I kept feeling faint. A few days after I brought my son home I felt very dizzy. I called the doctors office and asked them if they could see me. They said , "yes" come right in. I went to the hospital as this is where the doctors office was located at that time, and I went in and sat down waiting my turn.
It was all I could do to stay sitting up. My body wanted to lay down. I was very weak. I felt myself swaying, as if I were going to faint again. I remember the lightheadedness coming and going and I said to the receptionist, "I think I need to lay down". She took one look at me and went to get a wheelchair.
The next thing I remember I was in a hospital bed. I thought this would be an easy in and out kind of thing at the doctors office, I could not have been more wrong. I was being admitted for tests, I was as white as a sheet and very frail. I couldn't imagine what was going on with me. As the test came back, the doctor said there was nothing clear going on, some of my levels were questionable, he could not be sure what was happening to me, so I would have to stay for observation. I explained I had just given birth to a baby boy and I needed to get home to him. The Doctor told me if we couldn't find out what was going on with the fainting, I may be delayed a few days until we could pin point the problem. He said he felt this was very serious.
Truth was I was so weak I could hardly hold my son for any length of time. My stomach was in knots and I felt so horrible and always like fainting. I agreed to stay. My Mother encouraged me to stay as well and get the much needed rest my body needed.
I was tortured with a colonoscopy, IV drip, blood work, X-rays a catheter and you name it.
All the while, the drip I was getting in my arm was actually getting very sore and aggravating after two days.
I transitioned from a happy patient looking for answers to a "let me out of here patient"! The Doctor and staff however were hearing none of that.
I was in their care and I could not leave until we got to the bottom of this. With every test came a reply from the Doctor,
"I just can't figure out what is causing this"! You are having all these problems clearly, but I just don't know why!
I must say, I did enjoy sleeping and being cared for, I was so weak I could barely do anything on my own. It was almost all I could do to stay awake.
My stomach stopped hurting after I slept a bit, That was a plus.
That night I lay in bed wondering if I was ever going to get out of that hospital. There was still no diagnoses and I was missing my son terribly! The nurse came in to take my blood pressure and draw blood, get my temperature and so on. She turned to leave the room and she gathered her things, shut off the lights and shut the door. I called out to her and asked her to please leave the door open to let a little light in. She told me to just get to sleep! She left the door just slightly ajar. I could not get up to open it more. I was attached to a line going in my arm and I was afraid I might get dizzy and fall if I got up.
Immediately I started feeling very strange, almost afraid as I lay there in the dimly lit, large private room.
And then, all of a sudden a huge white floating light came right through the door and was making it's way towards me. I tried to reach for the call button in my fear but I couldn't find it!
The light was silent, no sound at all coming from it as it got closer and closer to me. It lit the room up a bit, but not totally. It was controlled somehow coming slowly towards me. It looked like it was a wheel in a wheel with a bright white light on the outside about two inches thick and a lesser light in the center, It was just radiating softly as it approached me! I didn't say a word as I stared at it. I felt under it's control somehow. It came and literally hovered right over my bed! It was so warm and the love I felt, the peace I felt were radiating from it somehow. I felt as if it were communicating something to me. I wasn't sure what I was hearing or seeing, I had never seen anything like this before! It was beautiful, but I was shocked! I was in a panic of sorts. It was right over my abdomen right where the pains were, for about one minute it hovered there. I watched it intently but could see nothing known to me from this world in that light! Then it simply disappeared right before my very eyes! Gone!
The room went back to dark, I scurried around my blanket to find the call button. I must have hit it 5 times. A very angry nurse came in and asked me "What do you want, you need to get to sleep"!
She was so cruel! She turned to leave.
I asked her to please open the door a bit more! She denied my request again, but left the door a tad more open then the first time. Just seeing and talking with someone in that very large room comforted me for a moment. Even if she was cruel. It was comforting! It was like I felt a bit safer seeing someone even if it was only for a minute. I simply could not allow myself to tell her what had just taken place. I feared they would shoot me up with something for hallucinations!
This was no hallucination!
How I got to sleep that night I will never know!
Through the night the nurse came in and took blood work and did my blood pressure and temperature. The doctor came in to see me the next morning and had ordered another round of tests. He asked me how I felt? I said much better actually.
He said you look much better Teri.
I actually felt very normal!
I took that as a compliment as I had looked so pale and sullen for a week. I asked him when I could go home? He said he was keeping me for a few more tests and we would discuss it when they came back. I agreed. That afternoon the doctor came into my room again holding my chart and said, How would you like to go home? I almost started crying! He said I don't know what happened here over night but all your levels are excellent and your doing very well all of a sudden.
I never shared with any of the nursing staff what had happened. I never discussed it with the doctor either.
Something was odd for two weeks after my first son was born.
Perhaps it was related to his birth? He was after all a child named by GOD himself. I will never understand this experience on this side of the veil. But I will be asking many questions when I'm finally on that other side!
Some things we just down understand here, but I know everything happens for a reason. All the reasons are for lessons. I learned to trust that I am cared for in ways I will not understand in the here and now. I am so very grateful for my care, I know I am loved!
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